What about health?

Here I am, back to my blog. What a wonderful feeling of happiness came over me just there as I thought to myself whilst wiping away tears - 'why don't I just write all of these feelings in my blog?'. The fact that I am sharing this with you is so helpful to me, and in some ways I hope is helpful to you too. 

I have come to the point in my degree where it is time to make the decision about whether or not I would like to finish this semester with a Bachelors or continue on and do 4th year to get an Honours. Unfortunately, since the first year of studying, I have not enjoyed being in Aberdeen at all. However, I have been really strong and stuck it out because I have really enjoyed my course. Now the time has come where I have legitimate reasons to leave so I think I might. 

Another thing I've been meaning to share on my blog is this feeling of sadness that sometimes overcomes me randomly. It builds up at some point during a day, and I feel like 'why am I suddenly feeling so sad?'. Sometimes, I will just sit quietly sobbing in my room alone, trying to help myself from the support of friends. It has happened to me occasionally while I've started university and something I hope will go away after I leave. It's difficult to pin point what triggers it, but maybe everyone goes through this, maybe this is just a sad truth of what people my age suffer from nowadays at university? It saddens me to the core to think that other people may be suffering alone some nights and even worse off than I am - with no one to talk to or severely depressed.

With mental health issues being such a common thing nowadays, and so many people lost to suicide everyday, I feel like it is important not to push this part of my life under the carpet while writing this blog. Maybe I am feeling like this because I am somewhere I don't want to be, or it could be something else, like the pill I'm on? (which is Loestrin 30). Recently, I found out that the pill can give you depression and headaches, among other things. This is quite interesting because about a year after I started on the pill I developed these headaches in South Africa and never really knew why. This pill could well be the main culprit to my mood swings. For a few hours today I felt awful, clouded over, and lost. Now, I feel much better. Strange or normal? 

From looking back on what I have just written there I feel like I shouldn't post this.. because it isn't very happy. However, I have come to believe that just because life isn't always happy, doesn't mean we should place the sadness in the cupboard and lock it. The sadness will soon become too big for the cupboard and eventually explode. Sharing this part of me has made me feel better and put real life into perspective. I am learning to follow what my gut instinct says - and so far it feels pretty good. To all those people out there suffering in silence or to those just simply having a bad day - you are never, ever alone. Write it down, call a friend, or cry on your cats shoulder. You aren't weird, you're human.

Things are looking good for the summer, Au-Pairing in Europe is on the books. 

Even though I am nervous for the future, I feel so lucky and grateful with where I am in life. I am happy I have written this down (even though it was hard), and hope you have enjoyed reading it. 

Lots of love, Iona